remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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