Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
