I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
