Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
