Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize