Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
