White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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