Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
