I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
