all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
