i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
