He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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