I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
