He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
