Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
