Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
