I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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