An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
