If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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