Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
