It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
