I hate your face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
