So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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