I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
