I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
