Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im drinking this country out of the recession.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
