$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
