Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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