Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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