I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
