went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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