his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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