yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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