So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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