i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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