We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
