my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
