I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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