You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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