I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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