i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
