Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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