I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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