i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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