Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
