An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True college students do jello shots in the library
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
