You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
