She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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