Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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