thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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