my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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